You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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