If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
