census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
