My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
