I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
