Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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