So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
