we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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