god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
