Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
