we have pet lesbian snakes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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