did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
