I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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