shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
