Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
