shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
