i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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