I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
