I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
