"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
