1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
