yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why do cheetos always look like penises
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
