Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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