i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
