Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
