I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
