chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
