Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
