I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
