I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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