forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
