dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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