i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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