I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i've created a new STD.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Im part way to drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
