College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
