I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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