the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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