i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
