haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can text with my tongue
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
