before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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