I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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