Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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