She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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