You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
