just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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