Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
