next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You made out with two different species that night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
