last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
