i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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