Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
