how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Found your dick twin last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
