You can't special order awesome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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