Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
