she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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