New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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